Pffthahaha. Yeah time for Pidge to lose her mind again. And get personal, too I guess. It might help getting this on internet paper, especially with my current mood. (Under a cut though cus I’m not gunna make u dorks scroll through this shit to see other things that interest you.)

TL;DR:

Blah blah life story w/e.

Thank you to every single content creator I follow, every new friend I’ve made, and every follower I have. You are all the reason I love being on this site, and continue to love doing what I do.

So as 2016 is coming to a close on my end of the timezone portal, I just have to say that GOD. DAMN. 2016 was an iffy year. I mean, nothing really happened beyond some family problems and politics. Which I won’t discuss here because politics are shady af, no lie. There’s a bigger concern anyways.

The bigger concern to myself was that I was living in this weird… limbo? Or something? I don’t know how to describe it, ever since I graduated high school. Nothing felt “right” to me. I didn’t really feel like I was “in place” with what I was doing with my time. Tried to go to University, went for one semester and gave up. School wasn’t doing it for me. I didn’t want to learn anything. I have a 40h a week job now, and all I look forward to is the chance to go home and… do nothing.

Everything felt like a waste of energy, and to be honest to this day a lot of things still do.. Waking up, going to work, going home, sleeping. Rinse and repeat. Day after day. Days off were spent doing literally nothing with my time but sleeping and… yeah. Sleeping.

I hadn’t drawn anything for real in ages. A year or so at least. I had no motivation to do anything but exist. To continue this senseless loop of obligation and sleep until I ended up dying from something, be it old age or a car accident or whatever.

I really wasn’t in a very good place, mentally. It was getting really bad.

… Until my friend convinced me to play Undertale.

Everything shifted for me when that happened. This game brought so much new energy to my existence. The urge to create flared back to life, and so I drew. And doodled and sketched and what-have-you. I even asked my family for a tablet for Christmas, though I never showed anyone my art. I was too self-concious for that.

I started watching youtube videos based on Undertale, and came across some Tumblr comics, most notably Aftertale and AskError. Those were the first. The rest came soon after with Kaito’s version of Underfell, Xedra’s Fatal_Error story, Alaina’s MommaCQ universe (Which is my favourite universe, like my god. It’s so cute and lovely and ACHY LIKE OUCH MY HEART). I never made a tumblr account, though I followed these blogs relentlessly through my bookmarks. I even came across Mania’s Underfell fan game by random chance, and felt the first true hype I’ve felt for a game in years. It was insane.

I watched a live stream one night, by a slightly less-known youtuber. He jokingly created a “ask drunk papyrus” blog to practice his voice acting, at the request of his viewers. He also pondered if anyone would like to make some art related to this for shits and giggles. I sat there in my room that evening, and the first thought in my head was, You know what, Pidge? To hell with your anxieties, make something and send it in.” I’m not sure what snapped in me that day, but away I went making the first piece of real “Fanart” I’ve ever made.

His words drastically changed my outlook on myself, my art and my confidence. He was in character throughout this part of the stream, so it was basically Papyrus recieving the art instead of him. But, he said, and I quote: “That’s… actually a really nice drawing. Thank you!” He BROKE CHARACTER on the bolded part. It really hit close to home that this random stranger would do that to compliment my art. And that’s where everything took off faster than an SR-71 Blackbird breaks the sound barrier.

I started REALLY getting into creating more art and improving myself. 

And then this happened???

This right here was a huge pivotal point for me. Because after this small interaction, I really started getting into the fanworks for the lovely blog mentioned above. I got really invested in the game, excited to see it finished, even though I could never approach the Dev about it. I could never waste someone’s time like that.

But then it just kinda… happened? I guess I became an example of this lovely comic here with my antics. An unrelenting amount of doodles put towards the lovely blog owner and his team. It slowly got to the point that this shit was happening? (read the tag), and I became more interested in seeing how the game developed, and less about how the story played out. They are one of four Patreons I’m paying towards, and I won’t be adding any more, sadly. No funds for that ^^;

And even in the present time now, Alaina greets me by name when I pop by her streams? Same with Xedra?? And CQ to an extent??? It’s so surreal that all these lovely artists vaguely know who I am??? Gosh, what is haaaaappening with my life on here??? Haha. And what’s up with me suddenly being just so involved with Mania’s Underfell game now like w h a t. The group of people in the Discord chat are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and I don’t regret for a second the fact that I got forced into the channel due to my Patronage to Mania. I’d recommend it to anyone looking to meet new people.

… And apparently 97 of you like my blog? I mean I didn’t break 100 before new year’s, but that’s irrelevant. The fact that ANYONE follows me is impressive, and really makes me feel better about everything. I’ve never felt more alive in my entire life than I have by being able to participate in this fandom, and involving myself with other creators like I have. It’s so nice to feel like a person again. 

So uh, thank you all you lovely content creators for existing, and thanks to all my lovely followers for existing! It’s a pleasure to be here, and doubly so since my content seems to bring out the giggles in everyone? That’s pretty neat tbh.

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Man I’ve written a novel and feel a lot better now. No more energy for it though, probably shoulda put this towards working on Fractured Memories instead but. Oh well. That angst can wait. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ 

If you read this far, thanks. I appreciate it. Have a gif! If you skipped down here though this gif is forfeit.