For some context, in the Campaign I’m DMing we’ve been stuck in a maze of caves in search of a missing child, the party comes across two skeleton Minotaurs which I planned to be mini bosses. The party are very underprepared for the fight.
Bard(ooc): “uh- can I insult the Minotaur?”
Me: “sure, though I’m not sure it’ll do much”
*Bard uses vicious mockery, rolls a Nat 1*
Bard(ooc): “Shit, that’s not good.”
Me: “well, before your impending doom, what did you say to the skeleton?”
Bard: “uh- you have a very… nice… Skeletal structure.”
Me: “… Did you just flirt with the Minotaur?”
Bard(ooc): “I want it so that I failed so hard I accidentally flirted with the skeleton”
Warlock(ooc): “How’d you managed that?”
Bard(ooc): “I am capable of nonsense”
*I roll for wisdom and didn’t beat the mark by a huge gap*
Me: “Well, the Minotaur doesn’t quite understand what you said, but it was flattered anyway. Congrats you just seduced a pile of bones”
Bard(ooc): “Oh shit, well um… Do I have a charisma bonus on her now?”
Me(ooc): “I guess so. Also the other Minotaur was her husband, he is now jealous and wants to kill you, plus he has a strength bonus on you.”
Bard: “Aw shit. Uh- I’m running behind this rock, I’m not moving and no one can tell me otherwise”
Knight: “Help us you coward!”
Bard: “you probably got this!”
*a round passes and it is the Bard’s turn again, the rest of the party are almost dead*
Barbarian: “so our fate rests with the bard?”
Warlock: “Our journey is over.”
Bard: “I convince the skeleton to kill her husband, and then herself”
Me(ooc): “wait what?”
Bard: “you heard me! Don’t question it sky narrator!”
*she rolls 18 persuasion. I roll a 5 wisdom and sigh in defeat*
Me: “She proceeds to decapitate the other skeleton, and then herself. The two collapse in a heap of bones. You’ve won.”
Barbarian(ooc): “you can’t be serious”
Warlock(ooc): “Never thought I’d see the day that ‘Bard’ actually helps us in a fight.”
Knight(ooc): “We won by telling it to go kill itself.”
Bard: “I play my victory song on my sacbutt(trombone)”
*my friend proceeds to pull out her actual trombone and play Final Countdown as me and the rest of the party contemplate life*
Mettaton: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll
have you know I am the ultimate robot created by Asgore’s royal
scientist, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids in the war
against Humanity, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in
guerilla warfare and I’m built with top-notch firearm equipment. You are
nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out
with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this
Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying
that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am
contacting my secret network of spies across the kingdom and your IP is
being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The
storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life.
You’re fucking dead, darling. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill
you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my normal body.
Not only am I equipped with the deadliest weapons, I have a new and
improved body and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your
miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only
you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever”
comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your
fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the
price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will
drown in it. You’re fucking dead, sweetheart.
LET ME LEARN YOU A THING I HAVE ONLY JUST LEARNED MYSELF
Essentially it is an early internet meme. In WoW raids would take a lot of planning and strategizing to succeed and a TON of people. In the middle of planning, one player runs into the dungeon alone shouting LEEERROYYYYY JEEEENKIIIIINNSSSS and essentially wrecking the whole thing, being reckless, and getting everybody killed. All because he wanted to eat some chicken.
She informed me that we’re paying for a lawyer to defend my dad. This happened because the president signed that any immigrant with a fellony would be deported. I’m worried, if we can’t do anything he’ll be sent to Laos.
ALL RIGHT KIDDOS, GATHER ‘ROUND THE CAMPFIRE OF 1,000 DEADLY MEMES, CUS THIS IS V E R Y IMPORTANT!
MY LOVELY LOVELY FRIEND COLORS KIND OF REALLY NEEDS YA HELP.
HER DADDY-O’S BEEN DETAINED BECAUSE OF SOME HELLA UNRAD BULLSHITTERY BROUGHT ON BY EL-PRESIDENTE BEING A TURD BURGLAR, AND SHE REALLY NEEDS HELP MAKING SURE HER BELOVED PAPA DON’T GET REMOVED FROM THE USofA.
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